When I discovered I was pregnant with Gavin, my third son, I was in the midst of a profound personal transformation. I had already committed myself to deep healing work, confronting the layers of pain, shame, and fear that had accumulated over the years. My body was responding to this inner work, shifting and changing in ways both subtle and profound.

Then, in the midst of this metamorphosis, I felt his presence. Even before he was born, I knew him somehow – a soul connection that transcended the physical. Yet doubt crept in, as it often does with life-changing moments. How could I mother another child when I was still in the process of rebuilding myself?

This pregnancy felt different from my previous two. The entire experience had its own unique rhythm and energy. I was sick, and tired, and I was certain I had a daughter growing inside. I made a conscious decision to surrender to how I felt, to sleep as much as I needed, to release commitments that felt misaligned, to let go of my preconceptions about motherhood and allow this new journey to unfold naturally.

During those long months, I had a profound vision that still stays with me: a woman in a green cloak, existing in that liminal space between dream and reality, between my own identity and something larger. She spoke words that resonated deep within my soul: “You are here to care for the lost ones.” Whether this figure was an aspect of myself or something more mysterious, her message felt like a divine confirmation of my path.

And then Gavin found us. He completed our family in ways we never could have imagined. As I watch him grow alongside his brothers, I’m struck by how perfectly he fits into our family, our own little exclamation point. While his full impact on this world remains to be seen, I know with absolute certainty that his presence has already transformed me. He has made me infinitely better than I was before – more patient, more understanding, more complete.

To my youngest son: Thank you for being exactly who you are, Gavin. Your arrival was more than just an addition to our family; it was the culmination of a journey of healing and self-discovery. You’ve taught me that a mother’s heart expands infinitely, that there’s always room for more love, more growth, more wonder.

The journey of motherhood continues to unfold, and with each passing day, I’m grateful for the blessing of being mother to three remarkable sons, each unique, each precious, and each teaching me new lessons about love, life, and the profound connection between a mother and her children.